Actress Amanda Bynes Needs a New Bong: Busted for Throwing Her Last One Out the Window

New York, NY

I can remember when Amanda Bynes was bangable. Boy, how time and drugs change things.

Anyway, the so-called actress was busted in New York City after police say she threw a bong out of her apartment window, some 36 floors above the ground.

Officers were called to her theater district residence after her building manager reported the 27-year-old star was smoking an "illegal substance" in the lobby.

Bynes had headed back to her apartment by the time police arrived, but she let officers in when they knocked on the door, according to a police spokesperson.

Once inside, the officers noticed a bong and other marijuana paraphernalia sitting on the coffee table, which Bynes immediately started throwing out the window.

Police have charged her with tampering with physical evidence, reckless endangerment and criminal possession of marijuana. Bynes was charged with endangerment because the paraphernalia could have hit someone below.

The tampering charge is a felony. The two others are misdemeanors.

The star of "Easy A" and "Hairspray" has lived in New York since last fall, having moved there from the Los Angeles area.

Bynes has a DUI case pending in Southern California, while a pair of separate hit-and-run incidents against her were dismissed late last year. Earlier this month, she was sentenced to three years probation for driving on a suspended license.
Bynes immediately took to Twitter to respond:

Amanda Bynes Downhill Spiral

Florida Cop Wannabe Darren Walker Flashes Fake Police Badge for Free Entry to Strip Club

The Ladies of Bare Assets

Melbourne, Florida

Some dudes will do anything for a free peek-a-boo. And that is exactly the mindset of one dumbass down in Florida named Darren Walker.

Police say the 24-year-old Walker walked into Bare Assets on West New Haven Avenue in Melbourne with an Ammomack County Sheriff’s Office badge he bought off the internet. The strip club, which I am sure is now interviewing for a new door guy/girl, waived the cover charge for Walker and a friend.

The club’s manager told Brevard County Sheriff’s Deputies that Walker claimed to be an undercover federal agent and wanted to question and arrest a woman named “Mason.” When the real cops arrived, Walker said he had not been employed by any law enforcement agency since 2011.

Walker allowed deputies to search his car – they found a brown “Deputy Sheriff” hat, an expandable baton, handcuffs, a blue strobe light and an orange traffic vest.

Walker was arrested early Thursday for impersonating a law enforcement officer. He is being held in Brevard County Jail.

By the way, I think this might be Mason. Sinister has a few questions for her also.

Texas Health Official Eric Wilke Eating Words After Taco Blunder Defending E. Coli Contaminated Restaurant

College Station, Texas

Back in April, a number of people in the College Station area were infected with E. Coli, including small children.

This week, Brazos County health officials have fingered the source – a local restaurant called Coco Loco. In most cases, some sort of action would be taken against the restaurant. However, maybe because of small town politics, maybe even special friendships, the leading health official took an unusual stance.

During a televised press conference, Dr. Eric Wilke took a bite of a beef taco from the restaurant. He went on to say, “If you want to meet there tomorrow, we could go eat lunch. I shouldn’t have taken a big bite while I’m on camera.”

Sound like an innocent joke to break the ice? Well, consider this. It was just last week, when one of the children was released from the hospital. Jack Melton and his brother, Noah, were really very sick. Little Jack Melton had been in the hospital since the incident in April. And for those of you who know anything about E. Coli, not only can it be fatal, but can also result in continuing health problems like kidney failure.

So, needless to say, I was glad to see that so many found the actions by Wilke just as disturbing as I did. Actually, they beat me to the punch – expressing their feelings on various comment forums and even adding to the Brazos County Health Department’s Facebook Page.

Haven’t had your say yet? Well, here is some contact information for you.

Dr. Eric Wilke on Twitter

Brazos Valley Health Department Facebook Page

New York Douchebag John Allison Cross-Contaminates Penis and Pepperoni

Potsdam, New York

There is nothing that makes me cringe more, than the thought of my meat being rubbed against by some other dude’s meat – especially the meat of the douchebag pictured to your left.

His name is John Allison, a 41-year-old Potsdam man, who was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly pleasured himself with a stick of pepperoni at a local grocery store – before placing it back on the shelf for another to enjoy.

The New York state police report that Allison headed for the meat isle at the Hannaford Grocery store in St. Lawrence Plaza, grabbed a stick of pepperoni, and proceeded to rub his exposed penis against it.

After pulsating all over the pepperoni, Allison placed the meat back on the shelf and attempted to exit the store.

A loss prevention officer who witnessed the act over surveillance video called police and provided them with video of what had transpired.

Allison was charged with public lewdness and fourth-degree criminal mischief. He is currently being held in lieu of $1,000 cash bail or $2,000 bond.